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Are We All Alone?

Posted by David A. Couper, MA on November 19, 2014 9:30 AM

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I was in Florida for a few days for work and also spent some time with my son enjoying the glorious weather, the pool and the beach. On the last day, we had a couple of hours in the sun before we left for the airport. I tried to relax but I felt uneasy, unsettled and confused. Normally, when I feel like this I would have gone into action. I would have bought another book, found my computer to do some work, or started making lists in my notebook. I resisted the temptation to get busy and so stop the feelings and start the thoughts. 

I eased into the feelings. I realized I felt alone. My son had swam all morning but now wanted to play his game on his iPad, my business partner had left, and I had not made friends with anyone at the pool. I looked around and saw romantic couples, cute families, and groups celebrating birthdays or the game. I was alone and I felt sad. My thoughts were going back to happier days when I would have been with my partner on vacation. Then those same thoughts bounced to the future and being alone having never found another partner. Then my thoughts went crazy. What happened?  Why?  What if?  Why didn’t I? How strange the mind is! I was ready to get a drink – a strong one – but I knew that would stop me from being in the present.

To understand what was going on I followed this process.

Feel the Feelings

I stayed with my feelings and felt them. Instead of trying to feel happy or positive, I stayed with the authentic moment. 

Got the Thoughts

I realized that I was blaming myself for being alone. My partner died in a snorkeling accident. I saw that I sill believed that I could have done something to save him.

Offer Compassion

I had compassion for myself and acknowledged that I had done my best when my partner died. My thoughts stopped bouncing around at warp speed and slowed down. I settled back into feelings but this time, instead of the fear, I connected with my inner self.

Reframing

I realized that these were all stories. I was not alone because everyone in the world is connected. We are all drops of water in the universal ocean.

Moving On

I shut my eyes and just began thinking about all the things that I was grateful for, including the most obvious that I was sitting in the sun by a fabulous pool with the beach in the background. Duh!

After following that process, I felt lighter and clearer, ready to go on with my life.

I am glad I stayed with the feelings and not the fear. I can read a book anytime but clearing my head is priceless.

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